I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
