if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
organizing the empties. That sober.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
