why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
