I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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