I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
