Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
