Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
