This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
