Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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