It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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