Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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