Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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