I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
