Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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