I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
