Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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