he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
