mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
