I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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