I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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