He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
