Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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