Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
