Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
