Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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