I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
