I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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