Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
