this beer tastes like vomit already
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
