went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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