Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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