I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
