We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
