She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
