Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
