she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
whose parrot is this?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
