Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
