Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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