In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
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