Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
