You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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