yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
