Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
