life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
