I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
