I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
