You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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