went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
