Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
