"it" just moved
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
whose ass print is on the piano?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
He literally asked permission to hit on me
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
